Say my name.

My youngest daughter sends me a picture of a pregnancy test.

-Is that a rectal thermometer? I reply.

She doesn’t answer, so I call her immediately.

-Sorry, darling, that’s amazing news. How far along are you?

-Ten weeks, she says, sounding euphoric.

-Is this the family’s first boy then?

-Hmm, who knows, she says.

-Have you talked about names if it’s a boy?

-A little bit.

-Have you considered Anders?

She lets out a laugh.

-Not really.

-Why not? Maybe it’s not so much about the name itself, but the provenance?

-The what?

-The origin, the history behind the name, the reason it’s something magnificent, I explain humbly.

-Doesn’t it mean ’different’ in German?

-I’m thinking more about the fact that your own father is called that. It’s not uncommon to name your child after a beloved relative.

-Maybe, but it could be a girl too.

-Is your generation really that conservative? The child might not even identify as a girl, in which case Anders works perfectly regardless.

-We’re not going to give a daughter a boy’s name, not right off the bat, she replies curtly.

-Back in the day, it wasn’t unusual to name boys Åsa-Nisse, Maj-Björn, Janne-Lisa and…

-But no one does that today.

-No, today every kid has to be named Moonbeam, Tequila, Summer Rain or Delafina.

-Now you’re being ridiculous.

-After everything I’ve done for you, you’re not even willing to let my memory live on through your child?

-No.

-What do you mean, no? You could at least suggest my name as a middle name?

-We’re not having middle names.

-Perhaps the baby doesn’t need a grandfather either?

-Stop being so dramatic.

-I’m just suggesting a name, and you’re going completely on the defensive.

-For God’s sake, Dad, no sane person today names their child Anders, surely you realise that? It wasn’t even a good name in the ’60s when half the population was called that. Your parents must have been completely unimaginative to settle on Lena, Anders and Eva. Or maybe they just fell back on those because they couldn’t agree on decent names?

-I’d like to point out that it’s partly my genes you’re passing on, so I should have a say.

-Jesus Christ…

-Don’t tell me that’s your name suggestion??